Gold Leaves Shiver

I was raised Catholic. And for the longest time that was all I knew. I thought everyone in the world was Catholic until I went to public high school and met a Mormon. But from then on, I began to question things. I always devoted myself to church activities and such, but with my friendship with her I started to doubt what I believed in. Partly because I was feeling things for her but also because I had never even thought of the possibility that what I was taught to believe might be wrong. This ongoing debate over religion and spirituality played out in several of my poems. This is just one of them.
I remember talking to her about when the public grade school kids would see us, the Catholic grade school kids and what we thought of each other. This poem came after that conversation.


GOLD LEAVES SHIVER

When we were ten you felt sorry for us.
Why? Because we had to wear skirts and ties and go to church in a line.
But we were the ones who felt sorry for you
because our God loved us and didn’t like you.
You were different and we sang “T-H-A-N-K-S.”
Our books were borders with all the knowledge we’d ever need to know.
And they were out of your reach.
We had all we’d ever need – we had God and Jesus and the dove and heaven and His love.
We were destined to always be better than you.

Now nearly twice that age, I am reminded how foolish we were, and
how foolish I was for listening and believing.
I never knew you but now you are the most omnipotent thing I know.
Another day goes by and
I wake up and I’m lonely and I miss you.
I’d be damned if they knew.