Preemptive Dreams

I was thinking about our last encounter and then read The Myth Of You And Me by Leah Stewart. It inspired me to write this.


PREEMPTIVE DREAMS

I see myself reflected in your tears.
I don’t like what I see, how you currently see me.
It’s like you don’t even trust me with myself.
Why do I feel like you don’t even want to understand me now?

The life I’ve grown into without you
has left me with only one true dream from the past.
Have I idealized it all too much here on my own?
What I have now keeps me grounded, stops me from dreaming
those silly dreams, kicks me in the head and slaps me across the face.

Life happened and I settled
into a happiness that wasn’t what I dreamed of ten years ago.
Life happened and you needed
your dreams to get you through. I understand why you’re still dreaming.

I’ve been to the edge of self-destruction.
I wasn’t sure I’d make it back.
But I did, somehow found the strength within myself.
So why do I now feel like you feel like I need your salvation
from a life that saved me more than destroyed me?
I don’t think you realize my sacrifice.

You were the one who taught me to dream.
Now you’re telling me I have to be practical.
But my practicality is what repulses you, what crushes your dreams.
Could I be any more confused?

I remember you wishing you could marry me or put me in your pocket,
things you said when you thought I was sleeping.
Maybe I slept through it all and what I think happened
was never more than some fantastic dream.

We’ll never be right back there.

It’s not the guilt that won’t let me go.
It’s you. It’s me. It’s what you told me was necessary.
Now you want to leave. Or have you already?
What good have I ever been for you? It all makes sense.
I look for you to understand as we sink into this common pain.

You’ve already written one story.
How would you tell this one?

You remain the one person I want to convince
even though you’re the one person who shouldn’t need convincing.
You want me to prove something to you
that I just don’t want to, something I shouldn’t have to.
And I won’t. If you can’t trust that this is what I want
then you never really knew me.
What I continued to love about you is still here.
If your reasons for loving me are gone,
then there is no reason.