Absence Makes The Heart Grow Fonder

ABSENCE MAKES THE HEART GROW FONDER

Your silence is my answer. I’m just another one of your fools.
I went from bad to good and back again.
It would be so much easier if you hated me. I almost wish you did.
Hostility fills each three week void.
I should be the one having a nervous breakdown,
I shouldn’t be the one causing yours.
I’m trying beyond my means to keep it together.

I became what I thought you wanted me to be.
Or maybe I became what I thought you were
or what I wanted you to be.
I’ve always wanted your approval, that’s no secret.
I would do what I had to without question, but that was a long time ago.
You don’t want people to change for you. But they do.
And you surrender yourself as well so no one will leave.
Forget all that. No more disappointment.
I want your acceptance for who I’ve become.
And I want you to love me for it.

I feel like everything I say hurts you.
Is this why I didn’t speak before?
I used to be able to make you happy without trying.
Now I can’t and I’m trying as hard as I know how.
Would you still want me without our past?
Isn’t that what usually drives people apart?
I have to get used to things that aren’t constants.
I want to help carry the burden I helped create.
You’re hiding, being the outsider to an impossible situation,
keeping your distance from this uncontrollable mistake.

And the weird dreams begin.
I wake up and I love you even more. I want to call in sick.
I want to continue the dream because at least there
you are always beside me.
I keep going back knowing there’s a look that should be mine.